Thursday, February 23, 2012

Sometimes three very different but also very alike females living under one tiny roof with one itsy bitsy bathroom, three separate but similiar attitudes and habits, all vying for their own space and boundaries, can some how get on each others nerves. In each others way. Each viewing theirs as top priority. Not quite open to see how fragile ego's can be. Or how close to the surface that can spring out in anger. That was today.

I was getting ready for work. My bedroom was in chaos from a project of 'simplifying' started earlier in the day and no time to finish. And that chaos makes me anxious. And frustrated at myself for not having order, especially when I know it's going to make David the same but times ten. The girls were home from school, tired and hungry and facing homework, which is definately cruel and unusual punishment heaped on by teachers. They were hit with their chore list for the afternoon. They were hit with a nagging to put away their jackets, backpacks, shoes and the don't forget to throw the soda cans away when you're done. Then everyone had a melt down to the 'maximum capacity' (according to Saige). I left for work feeling angry and justified for the anger. Why do they have to be such rebels? Why do they have to argue? Why do I lose self control?

I am driving to work. And it's white knuckled. And I'm getting a knot in my neck. And I am not noticing anything, paying attention to anything, 'seeing' anything on my way. I am living in that mad zone that I created and hung on to back at home. That emotion is carrying over into every aspect of my day. The potential for immense joy and an amazing journey is being missed because I haven't let go of the misery that is now over and done with and the girls have long since abandoned any allegiance to. I am going to miss the lesson and the teacher or the student that could be encountered along the path because I refuse to let go. And at that moment I felt light wash over me, I noticed the pinks of the evening painting the westeren sky. The snow dusted mountains that bounce back the last glints of day. Townsfolk taking in the light chill of the February evenings. And you know, I had the most amazing ending to a not-so -perfect-but- wonderfully magical day. Thanks for the Whisper, God, thanks.