On Purpose/With Enthusiasm

We had a few troubling days. A few days of turmoil and rebellion. Dishonesty and decible 10 debates. I paddled around in a very blue mood. So disheartened. So feeling taken for granted. Not accomplishing anything because I was in a stupified state. I have let someone else dictate my mood, my activities, my sense of happiness, joy and enthusiasm for life. What a stick in the mud. And it seeped into and tainted every other interaction with all the other people on the planet. Why did it take me so long to see that one and figure out what my recourse was going to be. My counter attack. Sneak and overtake. (Well, it was a lot of whispers to God explaining I was at my wits end, I was sinking fast and I couldn't do it alone. Then He said.....) Go on, live your day the way you need to. Do the housework you planned on. Get out in the yard and have Spring Therapy, soak up some sun and gentle breezes. Sit in the swing and read a book. Get out the crocheting, the design and decorating books, attack the things I love with zeal and a renewed sense of passion. Can't control others, can't make them believe/think/hope the same as me, can't instill in them dreams and aspiration for their tomorrows. By living in sadness and pity and disappointment doesn't make anyone else come to the party. So, I looked up and winked and whispered (not too softly) thank You. And I started making dinner for my family. The ones there and the ones that may not show up. I hummed my cleaning the house Aunt Bea song as I semi danced around and tidied up, threw clothes in the washer, and even went outside and supervised my husband planting the peas in the freshly tilled dark earth. We laughed and tesased. We watered the grass and it smelled wonderfully calming. And then after dinner we watched a basketball game, crocheted around a baby blanket, and read "Doing What We Came Here to Do" . And I didn't once even feel bad that I wasn't in the car chasing down a wayward teen, crying on the inside of what she may or may not be doing. I didn't text her to get home and who are you with? She knows. She plays. I am a multifaceted being, a mother, a wife, a friend, a gramma, a neighbor, a dispatcher, a daughter of an aging/ailing mother, and I have chosen to live silently with some dibilatating diseases and live my hours/days/minutes with intent and on purpose the way I want my legacy to be carved on the souls of those I love. And I do love them ALL......always and forever.